Last week I became 31… here’s are 31 things I have learnt in the last 12 months:
1) Online scrabble is great. But time-consuming.
2) Very few people know what an Oxford Comma is. Let alone give a fuck.
3) I was wrong about Catherine Tate. She was a superb Doctor Who companion.
4) Unlike cooked cold sausages, cooked cold fish fingers are disgusting.
5) Economics is much more complicated than I thought.
6) Living without a boiler, and therefore with only cold water, for only a week (even if the weather is quite fine), is a bit bloody miserable.
7) WordPress is, almost certainly, the best thing on the net.
8 ) The British Government can nationalise things really quickly if it wants. Money no object.
9) Presidential Candidate debates are more fun on The West Wing than in real life.
10) It’s true that you never forget how to ride a bike. But it really is possible to be massively out of practice
11) Einstein defined insanity as: “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” He was right.
12) Boiling an egg in an electric kettle doesn’t really work. (I only tried it once.)
13) I have no idea what the rules of baseball are. Moreover, I don’t really care.
14) Twitter is rather good.
15) “Ridiculous” isn’t the same as “massively unlikely”.
16) They may, even yet, create little black holes in Switzerland with the Hadron Particle Collider. These wee black holes could destroy the world. This doesn’t bother me all that much.
17) There is a language called Dan.
18) Undiscovered (non-contacted) tribes are to be envied.
19) A hapax legomenon is the single use of a particular word in a body of work.
20) Worker bees stage a coup d’etat when the queen bee gets too old for her queenly duties.
21) Billie’s Cafe in Brighton is the purveyor of fine breakfasts.
22) Sometimes, however hard you try, you can’t change someone’s mind with the sheer force of reasoned argument.
23) Tony Hart was married. To a woman.
24) However early I depart, I’ll always be nearly late for weddings.
25) Snails and slugs are nearly impossible to stop with purely natural means: chemical warfare is required.
26) Style counts. So does substance. Gordon Brown has learnt this the hard way.
27) A black man can (almost certainly) be elected President. But not a woman. Yet.
28) It’s too late for me to learn how to skateboard.
29) Brighton and Hove Albion can beat Manchester City.
30) If you wear Converse trainers for months and then wear proper leather-soled shoes, the chances are you’ll fall arse over tit.
31) There’s no place like home.