Two ladies. Diddly diddley dee. Immaculately turned out. Venerable dames, dolled up and not a day under 80 (I guess) but looking fab and much younger. On a Saturday afternoon for a few pre-Christmas drinks with chums in a nice pub not far from the sea. Lady 1: What are you having love? Lady 2: …
Overheard. Two slightly eccentric gents order a round of drinks at the bar of a Brighton boozer not far from the station. Their change includes a five pound note. Vladimir: That’s the second one today. Estragon: What? V: (triumphantly) A fiver! E: (very seriously) They’re like gold dust. V: I know. It’s always good to …
Backstreet boozer not far from the sea, sunny Sunday evening. A flame haired, ill-tempered 30-something woman approaches the bar. She has enjoyed a few scoops. And I don’t mean ice cream. Her: (Rudely) What wine have you got? Barman: Red or white, madam? Her: White. (As if he should have known that) No Chilean. I’m …
Overheard in the pub: First Man: Seen that Andrew Lloyd-Webber programme with Graham Norton? Second Man: The Eurovision one? Yeah. Bollocks innit. First Man: Nah. I reckon Lloyd-Webber’s the man. He knows his stuff. He might win it for us. Second Man: Win it? All block-voting these days. Even Ireland can’t win it. All East …
Overheard. Two men and a woman in a pub: both fancy their chances with her. There has been much flirtation and a bit of bawdiness. Woman: So you’re a plumber. Man 1: He’s a heating engineer, there is a different. Woman: (Chastened) Oh. How’s business? Man 2: Shit. Man 1: He’s going to become a …
Two men overheard on the London Bridge train as it waited to depart: – How was xx and xy’s wedding? – Not bad. But we had to buy our own booze. – Thought it was no expense spared? – Got fed. And a glass of champagne for the toast. – The way xy was talking, …
Waitrose on Western Road. The checkout lady asks me if I’ll need some bags. I ask for two. The woman in the queue behind me, the sort of forty-something social worker type who puts the ‘right on’ into Brighton tuts. She then chides me for not bringing reusable bags: ‘we all need to make small …
Three lads in the pub. Brighton boys. They all work in bookies shops. They talk about gambling, sharing stories of foolish punters. They boast about how much money they make from “idiots.” Soon they’re talking about Betfair, how successful and profitable it is, and how much they admire the founder Andrew Brown (sic). “What a …
St James’s Street. On my way home. About 11pm. A tall transvestite in a ginger wig with a thick belt round a long jumper is strutting along. She looks like Donna Noble. A group of three twittering, bickering discobunny gay lads are walking the other way, towards her. One of them spots her and smirks …
A young man walks into a pub. He’s from faraway, his English isn’t the best, but he’s trying hard. The barmaid couldn’t be less helpful. Him: A beer please. Her: Ale or lager? Him: Yes, a large beer. Her: What beer? Him: Normal beer. Her: (quickly) Carling, Grolsch or Coors Light? Him: (pausing) Yes. Her: …
Two very reasonable parents discuss the tattoo their student son has just got on his arm. You get the sense the parents have had some wild days themselves and are hardly prudish. Mother is doing most of the talking. Mum: It is very big though, isn’t it? Boy: No, it’s not. Mum: And well, it …
I’ve been blogging in various forms, and on different sites and platforms, for pushing a decade now. I’ve blogged as myself, helped others blog and also ghost written bloggery (usually in a corporate context) too. This site has been my personal blogging home for more than a few years but I am deeply conscious that …
A couple of delegates at Labour Conference have asked for some food, drink and fun suggestions for when they’re down in our great city-by-the-sea. And as a special service to them, here are some places that I really like and can honestly recommend. Places that you might not naturally stumble on as a visitor in …