Make a small grammatical error
It’s late. A glass of wine may have been taken. It could be the middle of the day and you just didn’t proof your comment in the forum properly. You were just in a rush. It doesn’t matter: there are no excuses in the eyes of your members. Be it a typo or a slapdash grammatical error, nothing gets them going more than a mistake. A mistake they can leap on and attack you for. In any case, it will cause a fuss and that’s great for traffic.

Someone will say: “This is typical of the contempt the moderators hold us in.”
Most likely historical comparison: This is how Rome fell. First grammar and then the empire. It’s a slippery slope!

Change something
Every community needs a refresh or a tweak now and then. It could be the colour scheme or the position of a button or two. Or it could be a total overhaul undertaken with the collaboration and consultation of the community itself. It doesn’t really matter: if you change something (anything), people will erupt in outrage. The stats will look great!

Someone will say: "If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it."
Most likely historical comparison: The rearrangment of the deckchairs on the Titanic.

Break something
It happens. It might be a routine update or a site wide upgrade. It doesn’t really matter. Sometimes something will go wrong and there will be an uprising. Every reassurance and platitude that all is well will be met with suspicion. Everyone will wonder what the conspiracy is.

Someone will say: "They’re up to something. They’re meddling. Mark my words. Something is going on. They’re lying."
Most likely historical comparison: Watergate.

Justifiably ban a popular member
Sometimes it’s totally essential. A much loved, popular and valuable member just crosses the line. Maybe it’s the last straw or it could be a one-off but serious infraction. Everyone will have a view. Fans, friends and even foes will emerge from the woodwork to protest: you can bank on it. The debate will be lively and the metrics very healthy.

Someone will say: "I disagree with what you say but will defend to the death your right to say it."
Most likely historical comparison: Nazi Germany.

Initiate a discussion about the moderation rules/code of conduct
It’s time for a refresh and review of the forum rules and obviously you want to consult the community. It’s a can of worms and you just opened it. Expect the airing of ancient grievances, the citing of unfair and incorrect moderation decisions dating back years and a huge suspicion that you’re only interested in stifling debate and silencing criticism. This is a discussion that’s just going to run and run.

Someone will say: "Whatever happened to free speech? We’re being censored!"
Most likely historical comparison: Nazi Germany/Stalinist Russia.

Announce you’re closing the forum
Nothing gets your usage numbers going through the roof more than announcing you’re going to close the forum. For months, your community might have been like a deserted wild, western town with tumbleweed blowing across the high street… but mention that you’re taking it away and… WHOOSH… every member you haven’t seen for years is back expressing their concern and mentioning the First Amendment.

Someone will say: “You want to silence us! We shall not be moved.”
Most likely historical comparison: Nazi Germany/Stalinist Russia/Communist China.

Image Credit: National Library NZ on The Commons.

It’s an idea that’s fraught with risks and problems and, possibly most critically, expense. But it could be one of several answers to the problems of the democratic deficit that exists in safe seats as well as renew passion for politics. I think the system has these particular merits:

The wisdom of the crowd
Leaving local parties to select local candidates has always struck me as a peculiar process. After all, being a member of a political party doesn’t necessarily mean you make the best decisions. Equally, longevity of association with a party isn’t necessarily a mark of quality for candidates. Small, committed groups might not pick a person who best reflects the constituency but a broader groups of electors outside the party stand a better chance. The crowd moderates the clique’s urge for philosophical purity and looks more keenly at their other attributes. Honest, decent people rather than hardcore politics geeks stand a better chance of passing the test.

Empowerment of the disenfranchised.
Millions of people in Britain are essentially disenfranchised. In safe seats, a monkey in a red/blue rosette will win whatever happens and yet if you vote the other way your vote is essentially pointless under the first past the post system. Giving these ‘lost voters’ a chance to choose the presumptive winner (even if the MP is not from their party of first choice) means that they do at least have a voice, and perhaps a stake, in participating and hopefully greater faith in the result.

Central party machine is less powerful
Labour and Tory activists alike complain about the influence that the central party machine can exert on selections and are keen to maintain their independence. An open primary very effectively prevents a candidate being parachuted in. Of course, there is an irony in that local parties have to be content to give up their own power in choosing only a shortlist to limit the powers of the central party to impose a candidate upon them. But I wonder if some local parties wouldn’t accept that compromise.

Open primaries are potentially invigorating. Where politics is stagnant, they can stir in some air. I’d be content if Labour adopted a system along these lines for, say, 10% of seats that are unlikely to change hands and can’t see any reason why we shouldn’t experiment with some seats for the 2010 election, especially with such an exodus of MP post expenses.

Her: (Rudely) What wine have you got?

Barman: Red or white, madam?

Her: White. (As if he should have known that) No Chilean. I’m a wine snob. I hate Chilean.

Barman: We have Sauvignon Blanc, and a Chenin Blanc.

Her: Where’s the Sauvignon from?

Barman: South Africa. Would you like a taste? (She assents and swigs a tasting measure of the Sauvignon Blanc.)

Her: Yeah. That’s ok. I’ll have a bottle of the Chenin.

Barman: (with so much patience) Would you like to taste that one too?

Her: No point. Burnt my mouth on a cup of coffee earlier. Can’t really taste anything. It was proper coffee. I normally have it out of a machine and it’s not so hot.

I was present at the birth, after all, and enough of a media tart to hope I have something quotable to say. As ever, the material provided was much greater than material used and, you lucky people, here’s the full transcript of my jabbering in the hope that it is of interest to someone out there. It’s doing no good in my inbox, after all. A scan of the published article lives here.

The brief: Essentially I was wondering if you could tell me what, in your opinion, has made eBay stand out from the pack, how it has survived for 10 years and avoid the failure of so many dotcom start-ups around the turn of the millennium, and what you might imagine will happen in the future. You were there on day one: include a bit of info about what that first day and the build-up to it was like. Don't suppose you remember what the first item sold was?

Dan Wilson said: eBay's strength has always been the amazing, crazy, weird and wonderful things for sale: everything, literally everything you can imagine is up for sale on eBay. eBay is addictive and people pore over the site for hours and hours pursuing their passion or seeking out a bargain.

eBay transformed collecting. Before, it was car boot sales and collectors' fairs possibly spending years looking for that elusive item. All of a sudden, you could buy from fellow collectors all over the world. It was revolutionary.

eBay diversified very successfully. Starting off as a second hand auction marketplace and becoming a place for everyday and mundane things: hoovers, saucepans, cushions. Buy it Now is the favourite way of buying on eBay now. Hundreds of thousands of business operate through the site, selling billions of pounds worth of goods every year.

eBay side-stepped the dotcom bubble bursting because it was light years ahead of the pack in terms of philosophy. eBay was the first Web 2.0 company, relying on buyers and sellers to lead the way with feedback and people power. eBay realised before Wikipedia or Youtube that the users are in charge and they chart the course of the business. Giving up control is vital on the internet.

It is also such a staggeringly simple idea: people trading with other people online. Lots of the companies that toppled when the bubble burst were absurd, niche or just damned crazy. eBay was always a cracking concept: a real 'why didn't I think of that?' idea. eBay is also a remarkable business in that it has always generated profits since day one. Lots of businesses that went bust had never made a penny.

eBay's having a tough time right now and facing increased competition from Amazon. Profits are down and there are lots of angry sellers. But eBay is a clever, dynamic company with a loyal community: there will always be an eBay.

eBay was already very successful stateside when it came to the UK in 1999. When we launched in the UK, we were working in a shabby, rented office like any typical start up. It was total chaos and we had no idea that what seemed like a very American concept would work over here. Lots of antique sellers and collectable traders were very sceptical about the internet and worried that it would do them out of business. The internet was risky and scary in 1999 to people who didn’t know it well.

As it is, of course, eBay has been a godsend to many businesses. Most selling in 1999 was to buyers overseas. Lots of buyers in America and Australia wanted to get their hands on a British collectables and that was the source of amazing early growth. Before PayPal, lots of international trading was done in cash. I sold stacks of Doctor Who memorabilia back then and I was always going to get dollars changed at the bank.

I think the first item sold was a CD by the Scorpions... but my memory is hazy. It was ten years ago...

The concept was simple. Richard O’Brian would jauntily guide a group of hopeless corporate bores in jumpsuits through a series of zones (these varied over time but I keenly recall the Industrial, Aztec, Marine, Fururistic and Medieval zones) playing a series of games in the hope of garnering a crystal. The games varied and could require mental aptitude, special skills, physical ability or lateral thinking. The games were strictly timed and if you didn’t get out in time, you were locked in your cell. Freedom would cost your team a crystal.

Each crystal (which were quite cool Swarovski style many sided paperweights) bought the team 5 seconds of time in the Crystal Dome where the contestants would attempt to grab metal tokens blowing around them. If the team collected more gold than silver tokens, they would win a series of middle manager style treats. Hot air balloon trips, rally circuits of Brands Hatch and water skiing were popular, I recall.

What may seem bewildering to people who look at the Crystal Maze videos on YouTube, is how contrived and cheap it looks now. But back then it really was quite glam. Richard O’Brian still comes across as charismatic and funny. Of course, the show was later presented by Ed Tudor-Pole who was alright but not quite and genuinely zany as O’Brian.

But at heart, the appeal of The Crystal Maze was in ridiculing the contestants. O’Brian led the way with withering criticism if they failed an easy task and usually offered only muted praise if they succeeded. Most of all, how we chuckled when someone who was likely called Samantha who might well have been an operations manager from somewhere like Bedford couldn’t work out the simplest puzzle and persisted in shouting “Where’s the crystal?” or “ what do I have to do?” From the comfort of our homes we worked it out instantly. Obviously.

It’s difficult to see how something like The Crystal Maze could be resurrected but its spirit lives on with the sadistic tasks of I’m a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here! And the notion of contestants as playthings has been taken to greater extremes in Big Brother.

Annoyingly, Crystal Maze clips on YouTube are general banned from being embedded. But this spoof from The Mary Whitehouse Experience featuring Punt and Dennis does rather sum it it all up rather well.

Treasure Hunt in a nutshell (as I remember it). Anneka Rice is in a helicopter with a small TV crew. Kenneth Kendall is in the studio with a reference library and two (usually incompetent) contestants. The hopefuls must solve a series of cryptic puzzles so they can direct Anneka and the chopper to her next destination. Wincey Willis keeps track of progress on the map and looks slightly embarrassed to be involved.

I watched the below clip (and the rest) of Treasure Hunt a few weeks back and it’s astonishingly bad. Boring, slow and incomprehensible. The people in the studio can’t see what the people in the chopper are doing. The puzzles are impossible unless you have intimate knowledge of the locality in question and frankly it’s up to Kendall and Willis to provide the answers. Note to kids: this is a case study of how we’d find things out before the Wikipedia... we looked stuff up in a book.

With Wincey (yes, she also did the weather on morning telly) providing time checks and rolling her eyes throughout at the lack of action, Kendall was supposed to provide hosty gravitas. Instead, he’d would wander around, repeating the clue continuously and sometimes helpfully proffering books like an over familiar librarian in the early stages of dementia.

Not only was Treasure Hunt quite long lived and popular, but it was reasonably influential. Anneka Rice cemented her reputation as an action girl and went to the Beeb to make Challenge Anneka where she’d bully people into giving her stuff so she could rebuild a Romanian Orphanage on a wet afternoon. And all the time Anneka must be resplendent in her trademark jumpsuit. They will have to bury her in a jumpsuit. Poor girl.

Annabel Croft took over as the chopper babe but Treasure Hunt wasn’t really the same without Anneka running along and breathlessly demanding the two moron contestants in the studio where in the second rate tourist attraction she had just landed, she might be able to find the next clue. Chatsworth, the production company, went on to make the hilariously awful Interceptor... but that’s TV nostalgia for another day.

Brighton trendies, veterans, pensioners, young and old, mums with kids explaining why it was important to be here, all came to say farewell to a very ordinary man who had lived a most extraordinary life.

There was a real sense of thanks and genuine fondness for Allingham himself: he is very much Brighton’s hero. Hundreds of people were gathered on the streets and around the screen in the churchyard. And so many different uniforms and medals. The services were represented by everyone from the top brass right down to local cadets. It was wonderful to see. Some of the old ladies wiped tears from their eyes, perhaps remembering a brother, husband, father or boyfriend they had lost. The ancient planes in the fly by wobbled past, so low, surprisingly low to whoops and cheers. What a magnificent send off.

And as I was walking back past the church home, after most people had left, I noticed in the graveyard across the road from St Nicholas’s, a patch of poppies. We will remember them.

(I've added a few more pics on Flickr.)

But the Greens did win. Convincingly. And it’s an intriguing victory for them. Goldsmid is their first gain from the Tories on the city council and their first in Hove. It’s easy to understand why they’re ecstatic. But I think they need to be more circumspect.

The key question is whether this victory represents momentum or a high water mark. I’m not sure. But I’m struggling to see where they’re going to win more council seats. They play well and have established their base in the city centre. Goldsmid isn’t quite as urban or trendy as North Laine, Hanover, Queen’s Park or Regency wards. But equally, it’s hardly suburban bordering as it does city centre wards with Green representatives. The Greens struggle to find support outside the Muesli Beltway*. Can the Greens make gains in wards like Patcham, Portslade, Stanmer, Moulscoomb, Saltdean or indeed Rottingdean? I just don’t see it myself.

And anyway, the city council isn’t their priority. Getting Caroline Lucas, the Green party leader, elected as the MP for Brighton Pavilion is the big win they’re eying. It’s worth noting that new Councillor Alexandra Phillips is a Green party employee having previously worked for Lucas in Brussels. Indeed, several Brighton and Hove Councillors are (or have been) on the Green payroll. I’m surprised that Lucas chose to spend polling day knocking on doors in Goldsmid rather than in Norwich (where the Greens are strong too) on the Norwich North Westminster By-election but it’s a clear example of their priorities.

The Greens couldn’t be more committed to winning a seat in Westminster and they want Brighton Pavilion. The Goldsmid victory and benign coverage from a hypnotised Argus is all part of that campaign. Doubtless local people will start to wake up to the fact that Brighton and Hove isn’t a Green passion but a vehicle. They are tough, even savage campaigners. But they are also organised and well resourced. But really, after so many years on the city council, what have the Greens managed to achieve for Brighton and Hove?

The General Election in Brighton Pavilion (especially since the withdrawal of Tory candidate David Bull) is a wide open battle between Conservative, Labour and Green. The problem for Labour and Conservatives is how you can campaign against a party that is largely un-scrutinised, untested, chameleon and willing to say pretty much anything. They are not honest about their high tax, anti-capitalist and often bizarre manifesto in local literature. The Greens rebuff attacks on the doorstep with “don’t you want to save the planet?” They play on emotions very successfully.

Will the Greens win the Westminster seat in 2010? Quite possibly. The Green vote is concentrated in the city centre wards in Brighton Pavilion and with a campaigner like Lucas and massive party resources they’ll be able to make a splash. Can they win more council seats in 2011? Maybe. But not enough to take control of the council in their own right and the noises coming from the Greens at the moment suggest that they don’t want to be part of a coalition.

Whether Goldsmid represents momentum or high water mark isn’t clear. But either way Green glee looks a lot like hubris. Maybe what the Greens need is power. Then, when they have to make decisions and stand by them, spend our money and explain why and then face re-election based on their actions and not words, we might see the Greens' true colours.

*You know what I mean!

Disclosure: I'm a rank and file member of the Labour party in Brighton Pavilion. I hold no office or post in the party.

There was a letter from one reader in response to a recruitment drive by police forces to recruit more officers from gipsy groups. My jaw dropped. I'm slightly surprised that this is acceptable.

How 31 Year Olds Consume Media
By Dan Wilson (31 years and 8 months)

Radio
We listen to the radio a lot and increasingly we’ve started enjoying Wake up to Wogan. Terry’s dry wit is a great start to the day. Moving Jo Whiley to the weekends seems like a shame. Singles we bought in our teens are increasingly being billed as oldies. We miss John Peel.

Television
We watch much more television than we confess to and constantly complain that TV isn’t as good as it used to be. Nowadays it’s all cooking, antiques and property shows. Programmes about making money from buying and selling houses have become less satisfactory since we fell into negative equity. iPlayer means we can catch up with Celebrity Masterchef at our convenience. Interactive TV means things like calling Noel Edmonds on Swapshop, writing to Jim’ll Fix it and shouting at the panel on Question Time.

Newspapers
You can’t beat a sunday morning with a coffee and the quality papers. You can’t do that on a Nintendo! Otherwise, Metro or other freesheets that you pick up on the way to work.

Music
We’re angry about music because the industry has fleeced us time and time again. We’ve bought music on vinyl, tape, CD and downloaded it too. And yet Paul Mcartney still hasn’t stopped complaining about how we’re ripping him off. We have no idea what DRM is but we suspect it’s a pretty good university second only to Oxford and Cambridge.

Devices
We remember when having a telephone meant that mum used her special phone voice and said our own telephone number when she picked up the receiver. Calling after 6pm was cheaper and calling abroad was prohibitively expensive. We used to phone up other people’s houses and just hope they were in. Yes, really.

We’ve had decent mobiles for a decade and more. Our first fone was seriously cool and seriously expensive. Every handset since has been smaller, cheaper and more reliable. This has taught us a lot about life. We’re still teaching our parents how to text. Blackberrys are great because you can check your work email on the way home. Apple iPhones are great because you can check your work email on the way home and feel superior to someone who’s still using a Blackberry.

Internet
31 years olds are adept at using the internet. Many people look at pornography.

Friends Reunited introduced us to social media and reconnected us with everyone we ever lost touch with from school. We spent a decade regretting our early enthusiasm but remain satisfied with the knowledge that the school cool kid who once taunted us now works in Tescos and has three kids by three different partners (the oldest child is 12!). We deserted Friends Reunited when our mum and teachers joined but there’s still someone we had a crush on in year 9 (just after it stopped being the fifth form) that we keep an eye out for. Just in case.

MySpace is a mystery. It looks like a teenage bedroom wall covered in posters and magazine cuttings. We hate it because the Guardian says it’s owned by Rupert Murdoch. We know it’s very important for new bands (such as The Arctic Monkeys) hoping to make the charts but since they cancelled Top of the Pops we don’t see much point in the charts. We understand that MySpace is all to do with downloads. Downloads are just like singles. But free. Downloads killed Woolworths. Pick and Mix was better than MySpace.

Facebook is for baby photos, wedding photos and party photos. People who put up baby photos get most of their adult interaction via Facebook. Women who put up wedding photos look forward to the day when they can put up baby photos of their own. Married men are jealous of their single mates going to the pub a great deal more than they do. People who post party photos keep a close eye on the relationship status and are keenly aware that their profile picture makes them look better than in real life. Everyone plays a lot of Scrabble.

Twitter is great. It takes us moments to lie about what we’ve been doing. We seem more interesting, erudite and connected on Twitter than we really are in real life. A train delay is a great tweet and everyone wants to know about a trip to a farmers’ market. Here’s hoping no one asks us out for a mountain bike ride after last weekend’s tweets. We made it up.

Gaming
Monopoly, Cluedo and Scrabble at Christmas. Will consider getting a Wii when Chucky Egg and Pong are available.

Mathew Robson
We have no idea why a lad who should be wanking, drinking Merrydown cider in a graveyard and listening to Radiohead is writing plausible memos for an evil merchant bank. At his age we hated Thatcher and thought that a Labour government would make everything better. We did our work experience at the local B&Q. We still listen to the Levellers when we’ve drunk too much carbon-neutral wine from artisan vineyards in Dorset.